The Reluctant Adventurer

by Manga Saint Hilare

supported by
/
1.
04:47
2.
04:17
3.
04:42
4.
03:37
5.

credits

released July 1, 2015

Additional thoughts from Jay Grrey
Photography by Courtney F Photos
Artwork created by Hendrix Nash
Music Mixed By Joe Hirst

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Manga Saint Hilare London, UK

Luxury grime & ting

contact / help

Contact Manga Saint Hilare

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Current Mood
I'm a single man
on a single bed
not giving a single fuck
im so sick of the silly thoughts that I'm thinking up
I seem to be sleeping less,because i think too much
I close my eyes,like I've seen too much
I'm looking for a blessing,Have i sinned too much?
I'm feeling singled out
I'm trying to hold it all down,but i seem to fuck things up
Now I'm just sitting here,beating myself up
My head is hurting
It's like I've been punched or rushed
I'm trying to find my way up
looking in the mirror like "now its just me & you fam"
So,ummm...Fuck em,If they don't like us
All my thoughts are whizzing around
like they're in a rush
Am i happy being sad
Or sad that i aint happy?
I think these things all at once
She can't make her mind up
she said she loves me,but she's got to go
What?
Thats a mind fuck
Wait...what?
you should of seen my face when the phone lit up
She said "i can't be around when you self destruct"
ahhh bitch,shut the fuck up
I Knew you wasn't down
I don't know why i bothered & got my hopes up
(BITCH)
I should of just seckled & kept my love gun in my holster
(THIS)
I'm sitting on the edge of my bed
I'm in a mess
I've got my middle finger & my index on my temple
I wish i could blow these thoughts right out of my head
& just go...BANG



I hate this room i wake up in
The state of it,Just mirrors the mind state i'm in
I've got a lot of money going out
& less coming in
So i stay under my covers & i over think
with this,Drink that I'm going to sip
Because i feel like everyone & everything
Is against me
& i know i'll never win
They're trying to take manaman for a fucking prick
or is my mind just playing tricks
Got my feeling like a loser,because i never win
& I'm never going out,i'm staying in
because i only feel safe when I'm staying in...
Bed,yes
fuck everyone & everything
for everything they've done
Or what they never did
my phone keeps blowing up like a terrorist
ahhh fuck it
let it ring
I don't really feel like speaking
(LOWE ME NUH MAN)
I don't want to hear your advice or preaching
(LOWE ME NUH MAN)
feels like I'm trapped in freedom
(LOWE ME NUH MAN)
now I'm sitting on the edge of my bed
i'm in a mess i want to blow these thoughts of out my head
& just go....BANG
Track Name: Running Out
My soul is on a journey,Past stars
You aint the only one who is worthy
but you believe it like you are
I couldn't see me living until I'm 30
If you prefer me
why do you only hurt me?
they say its inunvertly
why do you all dessert me?
I was out here trying to make a mill,Look where i ended up
sometimes i feel to give it up
& i'm running out of luck

if feel to give it up
and i don't give a...
i could never give a...
& i haven't got a care in the world
because i don't even care
because everyone that did for me,has slowly disapeared

Catch me if you can

I'm flying high
discussing my lyrics sipping on white wine
contracts,black letters & white lies
black male
I need to do my music,because all else fails
Heart broke
i can really tell you how that shit felt
I was the captain of my feelings,until that ship sailed
cargo
all this baggage
dark smoke
why won't these demons vanish?
this one rope
could make me skip this planet
I've got just one hope
(These majors notice talent)
I was writing these verses knowing we need some balance
I was buzzing of spitters,because i was possessing what they haven't
they say i lack the passion
because i don't feel the challenge
sometimes i feel to give it up
and I'm running out of luck

if feel to give it up
and i don't give a...
i could never give a...
& i haven't got a care in the world
because i don't even care
because everyone that did for me,has slowly disapeared
now I'm running out of luck

catch me if you can

If you could,i would be dead now
i've lived here in this sed' house
my mums alive,but not dead proud
I feel like a let down
trapped here & i can't get out
I done things then i regret now
some ex friends
some ex girls
some remain love sick
some inhale some exhale
some try to get even
some then become odd
some people turn evil
some might turn to god
& that church
the deacon said Preach
my mum told me to tell the truth & thats something that you can't teach
the truth hurts
some lie about it
some find out
some cry about it
some hide
some fight about it
i feel the pain so i write about it
trap stars & black cars
them type of sensations
drug raids & shoot outs
them type of occasions
they hope i never make it
i call them bruddahs haters
i know i'll never give it up
but I'm running out of luck

if feel to give it up
and i don't give a...
i could never give a...
& i haven't got a care in the world
because i don't even care
because everyone that did for me,has slowly disapeared
now I'm running out of luck

catch me if you can
Track Name: Hate Me Slow
I know you don't like it,when I'm not picking up
& I play truant
You see phone numbers,that you don't know,When you go through it
I start closing chats,before you go through it.
Dumb situations that I throw you in
I just tell these white lies,so fluent
I should be a bigger man & don't do it
Yet I find myself doing
what I said I wouldn't do
Even though I've promised you that I won't do it
I'm just adding to the stereotypes & cliches
I'm finding it harder to look in your eyes,with each day.
Chipping away at the small bit of trust that remains
& it's a bleak maze
Because sometimes,I really just was
Sitting in my house all day
But it's sad when the he say & she say holds more weight
And I know fuck up
I gave you a sorry for breakfast
& a sorry for lunch
I'm sorry for being sorry
I know I'm a cunt
But I know I can learn to be the man that you want & need
I know that it's hard to believe
Because I've got the same promises on repeat
Then she said,give me a reason to stay around
I replied with my phone faced down

Hate me slow & love me fast
Embrace my future
Accept my past
Trust my flaws & kiss my scars
Hate me slow & love me fast
Embrace my future
Accept my past
Trust my flaws & kiss my scars

Just give me one more last chance
The fact that I find it so easy
Just makes it so hard
I'm not perfect,none of us here are
I know you're tired of the let downs
Fuckeries & pars
But you know that I love you right?
I know I'm loving you wrong
But I'll love you right
I can't even imagine what it must be like
Putting up with my shit
For the hundredth time
I don't know how you deal with
All lust & lies
Wondering eyes
Scroll through 'lol's & like
And I know you want to listen to your mums advice
"Fuck that guy he'll never be a son of mine,until he mans up & treats you right"
Alright,alright,alright I know she's right
But I'm trying,I'm trying,I'm trying
You know I'm trying
But it's lies on lies on lies,I know you're tired...alie
But I don't want to make you bitter
So let's make this better
If you go then you go
But if you stick around,asking as we're together just...
Hate me slow & love me fast
Embrace my future
Accept my past
Trust my flaws & kiss my scars
Hate me slow & love me fast
Embrace my future
Accept my past
Trust my flaws & kiss my scars
Track Name: Once Was
Live life
Love life
Live life loving
Live long
Liveonce
Live twice
Fuck it
Because I was broke,
before I ever knew what broke was
Cola in my cup,
before I knew what coke was
This gang life
So holy like the pope was
My mentor was a 45
Before I knew what I colt was
Baptisted,all niggas need there soul washed
12 people not guilty that's what the my hope was
Tried to shape up because niggas became cut throat still
Because I've been cuffed though still
Never been sus though still
Made money but the money weren't enough though still
Will I make it out the hood
Who gives a fuck though
Who's alive?
Who's dead & who's in prison?
Tried to add it up
But all I see it division
Used to be the smartest niggas
Now they probably wouldn't listen
Tried to filter out the bullshit
& Instagram the pictures
I used to break down a block
On the same block I built up
I used to empty out a glock
The same glock I filled up
I've grown up
But nothing ain't changed though I'm still young
Two fingers up to the haters because I'm still loved
Still living
They still wished I was dead
I don't
Care about nobody I'm just ahead,
get it
I made you a real boy,don't forget
And I'm still holding down the set & upset is all you can get.


Looks like I'm losing friends
It looks like,I'm losing friends
[we used to fight with kids from other estates,now 8mm settle debates]

Upside down bikes on the front line
zee is calling girls from his dub line
If you come around here
But you wasn't from around here
Then you're gonna get run down...
One time
We got all of our beginnings from the ends
But who knew,it was the beginning of the end
Went from my brothers till the end
To a visit,to a text
To "I swear I lost your number fam,send it again"
Pretend
I can't remember who never kept it real first,it could of been me
I thought,that you thought that it shouldn't be me
Like I was getting blessings that I shouldn't receive
Maybe I'm a victim of distance & paranoia
I guess that over thinking is a ting when you start to grow up
I heard you've got a daughter,it's mad that I don't even know her
I left most of my dargs behind just like Noah
It wasn't meant
I probably wouldn't even recognise Med
Joy has got two sons & one I've never met
All of the invites I ignored & tings I never went to
All of the promises that I never kept
But we all did a lot
But a lot less together
So I guess we are all where we are meant to be
& that weren't together so...

Looks like I'm losing friends
It looks like,I'm losing friends
[we used to fight with kids from other estates,now 8mm settle debates]
Track Name: The Unknown Beyond
There is nothing left for me here
My mind wanders & now my body wants to too
They didn't even want to let me be here
But I went broke,while trying to pay my dues
And they won't leave me be here
There is always something that seems to be wrong with everything I do
So it's best I leave here,it doesn't feel right anymore
So it's time to make my move
I'm sick of the same old,same old
Same highs same lows
Same narrow minded opinions with the so called bosses,who says what goes.
Same man dem bragging about the same clothes
Stuck in the same mindset
Photos in the same clothes
Same starstruck gal on insta
Back arched with the same pose
I still comment,wink like,scroll
I step out of my comfort zone for a light stroll
What's happening over here
Brave new world
Actions over fears
Yeah I can fuck with that...
I nearly lost it all,trying to find myself
Looking out the window & I'm trying to remind myself that there are others out there just like myself
My over active mind don't help
I'm trying to find a place where I'm myself
Surrounded by things that i don't need
It's like I'm trying to buy my self confidence,it's obvious
I don't belong to this
World of golden planted promises
Which creates more worry-ers
Than warriors
Crabs in a bucket looking for acknowledgment
I ain't trying to be like them anymore
I'm trying to make every step count
Because I'm not sure I'll get many more
I just know that I gotta get away
I can't take this stress anymore
Is there anymore,Martell in that bottle?
I feel like I need liquid courage
For all my demons I'm facing
And all of the problems that are coming
No more shouting over others
Just to get my story heard
Once I've learnt the things I need to know
Then maybe I'll return
Use the powers I've got & soilder on
Fly off into the unknown beyond

They kept pulling me down
Pulling me down
Fuck it,I had to cut out...I had to cut out
They kept pulling me down
Pulling me down
Fuck it,I had to cut out...I had to cut out
They didn't want to have to leave
But I did
& now I'm free from the shit
It shouldn't be,but it is what it is
They kept pulling me down
Pulling me down
Fuck it,I had to cut out...I had to cut out